he puts the penis in happiness.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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