Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
