dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
