She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
