if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
me + whiskey = a bad person
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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