Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
