Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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