No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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