its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
