Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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