dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
