Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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