Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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