i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
