but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
