Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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