my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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