Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The best revenge is premature balding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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