i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
My balls are so social today.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
