she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
