please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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