seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Do vagina's smell?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
