and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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