whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
