What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
