Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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