hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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