She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The Olympian is in my bed
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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