you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I have tasted many bathrooms
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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