I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
