i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
