I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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