There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
