Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
