At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
