Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
