Dual....:-)
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
