Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
