i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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