he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
