His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
