so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
