did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
