and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
