smell my finger.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
