Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
