i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
