forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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