either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
