I wish life had little blips of pornography
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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