so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Well I just put wine in my tea
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
