I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
