I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just invented taco cereal.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
