um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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