haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
