Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
