just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
