I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
