Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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