after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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