Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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