yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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