Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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