I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
