I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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