Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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