U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
