I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
