I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
