Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
