beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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