Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
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know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
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It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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