He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize
