We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
