Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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