there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
