We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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