You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
