I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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