yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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