Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
