Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
