After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
