how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
