I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
