oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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